I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
