remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
you inspire me to be a worse person
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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