You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
