I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Randomize
