quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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