The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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