Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
