seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
