I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
