I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
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