1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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