Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
