Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
