So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
