halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
