See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
whose ass print is on the piano?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
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