Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
