I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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