good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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