i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
