he shaved USA in his pubs
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
