first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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