So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
