I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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