Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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