So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
