Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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