I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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