dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
