WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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