Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
