Sry I called you an 8
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
