Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
