but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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