I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
