And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
