if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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