we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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