He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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