I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
