My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
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