final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
