Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
