Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
what day is it and did you see me today?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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