Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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