She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
