Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
