wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize