I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize