The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
