Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
