what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
then he tried to convert me to islam
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I fill condoms, not promises.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize