Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
