I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
