Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize