Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
