Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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