i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You were trust falling into bushes
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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