You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
