i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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