Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize