Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
