was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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