My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
