i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The Olympian is in my bed
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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