If i could tip my vagina, i would.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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