Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Sex in the backyard? Check.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
