And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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