The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
