My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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