how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
