Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
